Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Trust Me Coach, USC is Overrated (via Yelp)

So there have been a few rumors of USC’s fondness for Kevin Sumlin floating around the interweb of late.  Rubbish, I say.  Why would Sumlin ever leave the beautiful, cultural College Station?  California weather is overrated.  Who needs the Pacific Ocean in your backyard when you have the Gulf of Mexico right around the corner?  I digress.  If Sumlin even gave the faintest thought to leaving, I would suggest he do his research on USC.  And what better way to research a spot than to check out its Yelp page.  Let’s ignore all those glowing, obviously inebriated, five star reviews and scroll all the way down and take a glance at the breathtaking one and two star reviews.  Coach, you need to know the worst case scenario of all potential employment opportunities. 

Jessica C – One Star:
Overpriced and overcrowded. Plus i did NOT like the way they treated their adjunct faculty. Think anti-union, no contract style conditions. 

If you like football, you might enjoy this school. Otherwise, I'd say save your money and head to UCLA. it's a hell of a lot cheaper and ranked higher. OMG i'm such a traitor!!”

Sumdog… did you hear how they treat their adjunct faculty?????  You don’t wanna be a part of that anti-union, no contract style bullcrap!!!!!  So what if this review was written in 2007, have you double checked to make sure they have righted their wrongs in regards to this adjunct faculty situation??? 

Wait, what exactly is the adjunct faculty?

Luke S – One Star:
“University of Spoiled Children, University of Second Choice.  I am bitter about the Rose Bowl and its not because the Illini lost.  I am not a Illini alum, I went to Northwestern, but the lack of class demonstrated by the USC players, coaching staff, and band has forever tainted my impression of USC.”

Sumdog… do you want your kids to be spoiled??? Do you want to be associated with a classless band??? Of course you don’t.  You have obviously become accustomed to life with a classy band.  Anyways, the super sensitive Luke S from Northwestern will not be happy with you if you go to USC! No reason to make enemies in the Midwest.

Traci J – One Star:
“The Sarah Palin of Universities.. 
Full of HYPE..”

Well shoot, I just don’t know where to go with this one…

Sue L – One Star
“what is to like about SC??? ehhh??? NOTHING..... cant think of a d*** thing....can i give it negative stars?”

Is Sue referencing South Carolina?  Maybe she is just an angry Clemson fan who got lost on Yelp?

Jerome B – One Star:
“USC is vastly overpriced. No one should be paying $200k plus for a bachelors degree. Grad school? Perhaps. Even then, that is a lot of green. Campus itself is nice, though it is not located in a good area. USC is still probably the third best school in Southern California, behind Cal. Tech and UCLA respectively.”

Sumdog… you don’t wanna go to the third best school in the SOUTHERN portion of California do you?  No telling where Jerome B ranks USC in the WHOLE state of California.

Andrea Z – Two Stars:
“As a progressive person, USC is also an incredibly stifling campus.
“Also, USC does not treat its community or workers all that well.  There is constant complaints from both parties on this issue... and the clothes for their athletes are made in sweatshops.

Sumdog!  You are most definitely a progressive guy who does not approve of sweatshops.  No way you want to associate yourself with such unprogressive behavior.

Joseph W – Two Stars:
“The professors here want to suck the youth out of your eyeballs and make you pay for it.” 

Correct me if I am wrong Coach, but I think your football players are gonna need their eyes to succeed on the field.  That would be a huge disadvantage to play football without your eyes.  Is Mary’s School of the Blind in the Pac 12?  Oh shoot, I forgot Colorado just joined… they sometimes play as if they were blind (or stoned).

Mary N – Two Stars:
“it was ok.

Mediocrity and complacency do not suit you Mr. Sumlin.

Maria D – Two Stars:
“While USC strives to be diverse and offers many scholarships, much of their student body also lives up to the stereotype.  Lots and lots of rich white kids from Orange County and Texas who are outraged the first time they are forced to confront their privilege in classes that address race and socioeconomic status.”   

Oh shoot, how did that get in there!  I am a privileged white kid from Texas.  Ignore this Coach.  Let’s get to the final review.

Brittney S – One Star:
“UCLA is so much better and ranked #8 in the world, while USC isnt even in the top 10: it's in the 50's-60's. Don't come here unless you wanna get shot or ripped off.”

Plain and simple Sumdog… nobody wants to get shot.    

I rest my case Coach Sumlin.  If this doesn’t convince you that the grass is not greener on the other side, I don’t know what will.

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