Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Second Annual Thanksgiving Laundry List

The LSU game sucked.  I was there.  It was cold and rainy and our team played like it.  I am done with it.  Goodbye Sugar Bowl dreams.  Hello Mizzou.  Instead of focusing on broken dreams and shaky play-calling, let’s instead meditate on the positives in our lives as Texas A&M football fans.  I can’t promise there won’t be a few snarky, back handed, totally unauthentic thank you’s though (I obviously haven’t fully thawed off from last Saturday).  Without further ado, the second annual Thanksgiving laundry list!

Mike Evans: Thank you in advance for giving Texas A&M its first ever Biletnikoff award.  Hardware (just like banners) lasts forever and that trophy will forever shine for Texas A&M.  You are a man among boys on the football field.  Watching you win jump balls is a true joy.  I only wish one of your two legendary performances could have resulted in an Aggie victory.  Fret not though!  NFL paychecks are in your near future.  As much as I would love to see you in maroon for another year, I don’t think you have anything left to prove. 

The Dry Bean Saloon:  Thank you for being my favorite bar on Earth.  Thank you for your reasonably priced, wonderfully executed shot concoctions.  Oh, and thank you for opening early on game days so I can take shots at 9 am.  Duck Busters all around!

Josh Lambo: Thank you times infinity for removing Bertolet from our lives.  I often felt like Bertolet was put on this Earth to torment me, but alas, Lambo has come to save us.  If you had told me that A&M would win ONE GAME on a last second field goal this year I would have slapped you in the face and told you to take your gibberish elsewhere.

Darian Claiborne: In the midst of a truly horrifying defensive year you have provided one small silver lining.  A true freshman middle linebacker stepping into SEC and holding his own is nothing to scoff at.  You have a bright future and I hope you become the defensive heart we need.

Mack Brown’s Corpse: Thank you for embarrassing yourself against BYU and Ole Miss.  Thank you for somewhat turning the team around and forcing everyone to wonder if you are indeed still alive as you bumble up and down the sidelines.  8-4 seasons in the Big 12 suit you well.

Jake Matthews:  Thank you for returning this year and solidifying yourself as a future NFL left tackle and top ten draft pick.  Despite the offensive line looking shaky from time to time we can’t deny your presence as our offense averages 45.6 points a game.

Drake:  Thank you for befriending our beloved quarterback and adding to his already impressive mystique.  Why you haven’t made any trips to College Station behooves me.  Throw us a bone.  Do a concert at Wolf Pen Creek Amphitheatre to help struggling Brazos County rappers.  THEY NEED YOU DRAKE!

Clay Travis:  Thank you for always having Johnny’s back (and for spending so much time analyzing the girlfriends of SEC quarterbacks).  When the masses wanted to focus on questionable off the field decisions or meaningless on the field antics, you always brought the attention back to the performance on the field.

Oklahoma State University:  Thank you for making sure I don’t have to live in a world in which Baylor is a national title contender.

Kevin Sumlin:  Thank you for being a ridiculously savvy dude.  I sure hope you realize the grass is not greener in the underwhelming Pac 12.  Let’s stick together for a few more years until the NFL beckons your name.  Unrelated side note: is it time to start rethinking the futures of your coordinators?  Just sayin…

Jake Spavital:  Thank you for completely ignoring our slew of insane running backs of late. Ugh. 

Clay Honeycutt:  Thank you for finally finding your way to the bench.  (Ok, I am done now)

Myles Garrett:  Thank you for pledging your future to Texas A&M and giving us some defensive potential to salivate over.

Kyle Allen:  Thank you for pledging your future to Texas A&M and giving us some offensive potential to salivate over.

Tra Carson:  Thank you for being a behemoth of a running back.  Our stupid play calling (and maybe your health?) may be preventing you from shining of late, but I haven’t forgotten what it was like to watch you earlier this season.  I can’t remember seeing a running back run with the ferocity and power that you do.  I have a big fat man crush on you Tra.

Texas A&M University (and old rich donors):  Thank you for stepping up and approving the Kyle Field renovation project.  You struck while the iron was hot and put a plan into motion that will further make Kyle Field one of the greatest venues in College Football (even though it was already great to begin with).

University of Texas and Oregon:  Thanks again for not pulling in that little old quarterback from Kerrville.  Texas A&M football will forever be in debt to you both.

Current Texas A&M Students:  Thank you for consistently bringing your "A" game every week and showing the SEC that we belong on every level.  Packing Kyle Field with 30,000+ students on a week to week basis is incredible! 

And last but not least...

Johnny "Football" Manziel: Excluding the recent poop he took in Death Valley (an injured hand?), there is nothing I am more thankful for than having Johnny as the quarterback of my team.  Fans and universities yearn for transcendent players that lead a team and ignite the nation.  Players like that don't come along every year (heck, they don't come along every decade).  Ours is young, impressionable, oozing with swagger, and the reigning Heisman trophy winner.  Maybe we need to remind ourselves one extra time to enjoy what might be Johnny's last two games in an A&M uniform.  Soak it up, live in the moment, revel in every highlight reel, and look forward to every mushy article (will he stay?).  Enjoy it all and be thankful.  Johnny did some pretty cool things at Texas A&M.

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