4:00 PM - You have punched the clock all week, throw up a couple middle-finger freedom rockets to the corporate world and get the ever-livin, ever-lovin hell out of that office! College Station is waiting.
4:15 PM - Get your party crew assembled, grab a shot, make a toast, drink the shot, high five everyone in the party crew and hit the road (it's important to not get carried away here... one symbolic, emotional, celebratory shot... no more, no less).
4:23 PM - Get the party tunes pumpin' during the early stages of the drive. The spirits couldn't be higher at this point. Recommended tunes: All I Do is Win - DJ Khaled, Come and Get It - Selena Gomez (J/K?), Bodies - Drowning Pool, Tell 'Em - Sleigh Bells, Work Hard Play Hard - Wiz Khalifa... whatever tickles your fancy.
4:35 PM - 5:35 PM (based upon Houston commute, increase or decrease upon personal commute) - This is where you get some real football talk in. Sobriety is still in play, get it all out on the table. Ponder some defensive adjustments and creative blitzing schemes, day dream on Johnny doing Johnny things, get any worries off your chest (AJ McCarron tattoo jokes aside), and make predictions for x-factors and surprise heroes. This is where rational thinking comes to an end. When you hit College Station, all bets are off.
5:36 PM - 5:45 PM - Get back to the pump up music (maybe mix in your favorite Country throwbacks?), and enjoy the warm fuzzies as you see the College Station water tower approaching in the distance.
5:58 PM - Before you check in to home base, go straight to the daquiri barn on Wellborn (not sure if that's what it's even called, take University to Wellborn, take a right, and less than a mile down you will find the special place). Seriously, when is drive through, frozen, alcoholic, tasty treats ever a bad idea. Answer: never. (leave that restrictive, tampering tape on till you get home though, ladies and gents, safety first).
6:00 PM - Check in to home base and have a celebratory shotgun (nothing says excitement like a celebratory shotgun). This could be anywhere, a hotel, a friend's place, an RV, a parking lot, your tailgate spot, your truck bed, your friend's truck bed, it doesn't matter... shelter is a state of mind.
7:00 PM - It's time to set off and begin the evening... got any errands to run? Do them now. Want a new gameday polo because you got Kolache juice all over the other two... do it now. Support the local economy.
7:35 PM - Don't forget to get some good greasy food in you. It may be the best decision you make all night. Don't be the girl (maybe guy?) who blacks out later in the night and can only mutter the words, "doooonnt feeeeeeel goood, neeeddaa puke, onlllly haddd sooouuup fooor dinnner." Seriously, you don't want to be that person (girl?).
8:38 PM - Don't delay the inevitable any longer. Get to Northgate. Those drinks won't drink themselves. Plus, any veteran knows, that an early start to Northgate is the best recipe for a good time.
8:48 PM - Remember when I said rational thinking ends in the car? Don't forget it. College Station is YOUR city. Northgate is YOUR home. Make sure Bama fans know this territory has been marked (don't pee on things). We beat Bama last year, and we will do it again this year. IN. OUR. HOUSE.
And it is here at 9 pm where I halt. Our guest columnist will take over from here with a foolproof guide to a wonderful blur of an evening at Northgate. Before I go, I wanted to leave you with a few inspirational words.
1) While on Northgate, take a moment to reflect on the awesomeness surrounding you. We live in a country where it is not only legal, but encouraged to mix, shake, and stir multiple spirits/beverages/poisons. This is 'Merica at it's finest.
2) Make sure and obnoxiously high-five as many Alabama fans as possible. This will confuse them. They will sense your general condescending tone, but won't know how to react to the customary sign of goodwill.
3) Post up somewhere and find some Bama fans to mingle with. As always, show an unwavering confidence in your team. If you start doubting yourself just bring up AJ McCarron's chest tattoo. I have no doubt that watching a Bama fan foolishly attempt to defend the atrocity on their QB's chest will erase any social anxiety you might have been feeling.
3.5) Just remember, if you call attention to McCarron's chest tattoo (which you should), or his mom, or his girlfriend... be prepared, those less-than-shifty Bama fans will probably remember that our beloved QB has had his fair share controversy. When this happens just shoot back with an irrationally confident and somewhat aggressive comment like, "OH, I AM SO SORRY MY QUARTERBACK IS RICH AND LIKES TO PARTY WITH RAPPERS, ATHLETES AND BABES... THE HEISMAN TENDS TO HAVE THAT EFFECT." Solid stuff, huh? Now let's breakdown, piece by piece, why this just may be the perfect response to any accusatory Aggie QB remark:
- "OH, I AM SO SORRY" - This obviously shows that you are NOT sorry, and don't care what this person (in this case Bama fan) thinks. This totally works, I do it to my friends all the time.
- "MY QUARTERBACK IS RICH" - This immediately covers your stance on what might be perceived as the elephant in the room. Johnny is rich, he doesn't need anymore money from shady, unnamed sources.
- "AND LIKES TO PARTY WITH RAPPERS, ATHLETES AND BABES" - This part is a no-brainer. I mean partying with Drake, LeBron, and Sarah Savage sounds like a pretty cool Saturday night, right?
- "THE HEISMAN TENDS TO HAVE THAT EFFECT" - A not-so-subtle reminder that Johnny won the Heisman last year... it will also, indirectly, elicit memories of what happened last year in Tuscaloosa.
Hopefully your evening is altercation free, but just in case it isn't, now you have some tools in your britches. If you find some well-behaved, respectful Bama fans, well by all means, buy them a beer. Nothing says world peace like buying a stranger a beer. Stay tuned tomorrow for the late night game (drinking) plan!