Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Thanksgiving Laundry List


The first annual Thanksgiving Laundry List... Tis the season to be thankful!

Coach Sumlin - Thank you Coach for being Mr. Personality. You are a ridiculously classy, suave, good-looking, energetic, hard to believe, 48 year old man.  You reinvigorated the most passionate fan base in America and  I sincerely hope we can grow old together.

Mike Evans - Thank you for ditching the hardcourt, and adopting the gridiron.  Your immense size and incredible body control in the air truly make you a Quarterback's best friend.  You may be the "other" redshirt freshmen, but you my friend, are destined for football on Sundays.

Collin "Calvin" Klein - Thank you for turning out to be an incredibly "average" quarterback.  The nation thought you had swag, but swag doesn't lose in Waco.

Taylor Bertolet - Thank you, Taylor, for providing the fan base with one thing we can complain about. We love complaining, and without you, the games would almost be boring.

Mike Sherman - Thank you Coach for building the foundation of this program and getting out in time for someone else to take it to the next level. Your accomplishments in terms of recruiting, player development, and offensive line domination are appreciated. Best of luck in Miami!

Ryan Swope - Thank you Ryan for taking hit after hit and firing us up with your toughness and your electrifying receiving prowess. You have proven to be a great leader during our time of transition and have given young white kids all across the state of Texas great hope. Also, don't think we don't appreciate your attempt at growing a beard.

Von Miller - Thank you for becoming one of the 5 best defensive players in the NFL.  With every sack, forced fumble, and quarterback pressure you truly are elevating the brand of Texas A&M football.

DaMontre Moore - Thank you for following in Von Miller's footsteps and becoming the next great Texas A&M pass rusher.  Your mere presence on the field takes our defense to a different level.  I am personally looking forward to the many many hours of enjoyable NFL draft preparation you will provide.

Sam Montgomery - Thank you for providing the best (and most candid) youtube clip of the year promoting Johnny Football for Heisman.  You may be a swamp kitty, but you will now always hold a spot in my heart. (Oh and thanks for following @aggierundown on twitter, Sam, tis very thoughtful of you) 

Mack Brown – Thank you for passing up on our boy from your own backyard in Kerrville. I also need to extend my gratitude for your never-ending complaints about the Longhorn Network, which have kept us all entertained for the past year (don't worry Mack; nobody is actually watching your practices).

Christine Michael - Thank you for keeping it real, Christine. Your superiority over Sam Houston State was undoubtedly in question on Saturday, and you stood up for Aggies everywhere and put an end to the ceaseless taunting we receive from the Bearkats. Respect!

Spencer Nealy - Thank you for whipping Alabama's CPA/Center, Barrett Jones, in Tuscaloosa and spearheading the defense on that fine day. I also thoroughly enjoy any and all interactions you have with the media. If we can't hear from Johnny, at least we get to experience your passion.

West Virginia - Thanks for being an upgrade to the Big...er... wait, whoops.  

Mark Snyder - Wow, wow, wow.  Thank you putting together a SEC caliber defense.  There have been hiccups, but you have undoubtedly helped our defense grow and improve all year.  Lost in all the offensive insanity is the fact that our defense has done what it takes to make sure we have been in EVERY game.

Texas A&M University - Thank you for taking notice of the sinking ship known as the Big 12, and jumping aboard a more cultural, more loyal, more traditional, more dominant conference known as the SEC.  It is paying dividends earlier than anyone (even the MOST optimistic) could have expected.

Adidas - I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank you Adidas for providing some serious swagger to this team's look. I have doubted you for years, but you really came through this year. I especially approve of the "icy" whites against Bama. 

Ben Malena - Thank you for providing us with a reminder of what it was like watching Jorvorskie Lane when you put the truck stick on that Florida safety. We didn't know you had it in you!  Your patience and under the radar approach evokes fond memories of our old friend Cyrus Gray.

ESPN - Thanks for screwing us over by slotting A&M vs. LSU for 11 AM so you could protect your Longhorns' game against tiny Baylor. Your obvious nepotism is appalling and honestly stupid. Instead of showcasing two top teams that would have provided you with a ratings bonanza, you chose a track meet in Austin. Joke's on you. 

Larry Jackson - Thank you for getting this team physically prepared for the SEC, I laughed at the idea that this off season was any different than all the rest (MY team always wins the offseason), but you proved me wrong.  This team has comeback to win and held on to win.  The second half is no longer our Achilles heel.

Mr. Bow-Tie Loftin - Thank you for your part in getting us to the SEC.  I am not well versed in the politics of our University, but I will always remember that you were the president of Texas A&M when we ditched the Big 12 and moved to the SEC.  And that is more than enough for me.

Nick Saban - Thank you for creating a powerhouse.  It afforded us the opportunity to get that ever-important, unforgettable, "signature win" in Tuscaloosa.  Your fear of the up-tempo offense is coming to realization.

The New MSC - Thank you for being awesome.  What a perfect year for our state of the art student center to open.  What I would give to push reset and begin my collegiate career as a class of 2017 (is that even right?) freshman next year.

Oregon - Thank you for not being able to close on Johnny Manziel after you got his commitment. College football history would have been changed forever if not for your inability to sign Manziel. I can't thank you enough.

City of College Station - Thank you for effectively redesigning Northgate, turning it into a walking promenade that now opens the area and limits the chances of any of us stumbling into traffic (when you have a winning football team and the entire fall semester turns into a celebration, you can't underestimate this risk).

Luke Joeckel & Jake Matthews - Thank you for protecting Johnny Football.  Offensive linemen rarely get their due, both of you are a huge reason this offense has flourished. Keep grinding, a large NFL payday is in your future (would you mind delaying it for a year though?).

DeVante Harris - Thank you for bringing some freshman swag to our defense.  Cornerbacks live in a bubble, and you learning quicker than we expected.  Also, thank you for your candid interactions with Aggie Rundown and for being our unofficial spokesperson.  #AggSwagg #Outchea

Kliff Kingsbury - Thank for you being a bona fide rock star this year. You are the complete antithesis of Mike Sherman. You are exactly what this offense needed to get over the hump and extinguish the doubts hanging over this team from last year. You are a brilliant young man. I hope for the best for you (as in, a head coaching job somewhere on the west coast where you can't hurt us, because you are awesome).

And last but not least…

Johnny “Football” Manziel – Fans and universities yearn for transcendent players that lead a team and ignite the nation.  Players like this don’t come along every year (heck, they don’t come along every decade).  Ours is young, impressionable, oozing with swagger, and on the verge of making history.  Not that anyone really needs a reminder, but Texas A&M fans, soak it up, enjoy every moment, every highlight reel, and every mushy article. Enjoy EVERYTHING.  We are thankful.

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