Saturday, December 24, 2011

Aggie Wish List

In the spirit of Christmas, here is an Aggie Wish List full of metaphors, musings, quirky ideas, and true-to-form “wishes”.

Oil change from Meineke Car Services (and a bowl win) – Let’s be real, none of us want to be at a Meineke Car Service Center, and none of us want to be at the Meineke Care Care Bowl. But we changed head coaches; so let’s change our bowl fortunes. We practically have a home game in our backyard metropolis of Houston. Get this baby running smoothly and hand it to a very good, but very beatable Northwestern team. 

Gallon of milk for Christine Michael – It hurts me to see this stuff happen to C-Mike. From every source I have seen, he seems to be a stand-up guy and a team player. Let’s get this kid some calcium, get him on the field and fulfill his dream of playing in the NFL.

Muzzle – It is about time our “higher-ups” keep their mouth shut and let the professionals do their job. Let the coach lead. Let the athletic director hire. Everybody has gifts, and the “higher-ups” that I am referring to have the gift of a fat wallet. Open it up when asked, don’t speculate or provide opinions, and be glad you can assist your fine university.

Truck full of Gorilla Glue – It is going to take some serious adhesive to keep our team together during the upcoming pigskin hurricane season that will ensue next fall – a new coach, a new conference, a new era. Our team is going to need to stick together and practice what they preach in the unity department. We are going to need all eleven men glued together in order to find any success at all.

The most advanced knee brace on the market – One known strength for next year’s team? Our offensive line! What is an offensive lineman’s best friend? That massive body that he controls. What supports that immovable mass? His knees. Knees can be delicate. Protect and support them. That is where those knee braces come in. Our offensive linemen need to anchor our running game and protect our future (unproven) quarterback.

Sponsorship/support for the “AggSwagg” movement – The AggSwagg movement was started by future Aggie Matt Davis as a means to promote Texas A&M to other recruits and elevate excitement/anticipation levels for the recruits already on-board. I love this! Only good things will come out of inspired, driven football players. Let’s get these kids some t-shirts, maybe a PR team; maybe even turn it into student-athlete organization. I am all about the positive energy.

SEC flashcards – War Eagle? Tiger Bait? Crimson Tide? Playing between the hedges? Some of our diehard fans have a vague idea what these things are, but the majority of our fan base will spend half of each game making up reasons why the state of Alabama has a total of four mascots for two schools and wondering if a Tennessee Volunteer is a knock-off of our 12th Man. Also, make sure to include a dress code for The Grove and a map of all swamps in SEC country (are swamp kitties from The Swamp?). 

Female cheerleaders - Blasphemous, you say? Bring it on! It is the 21st century, Aggies. We opened our fine university to women five decades ago – why we didn’t immediately start a cheerleading squad then is mystifying. I realize that the Yell Leaders are a tradition (one of the more hallowed, in fact) but introducing a female cheerleading squad would do nothing to diminish what the Yell Leaders mean to Texas A&M. I don’t care if the cheerleaders are sequestered to the corner of the stadium without megaphones or a single second spent on the video board. There are too many good-looking, talented girls at our school to deny them the chance to represent A&M as cheerleaders.

Under Armour sponsorship – My personal opinion: I have never been impressed by Adidas. My cohort Ben Berryman desires to be reunited with Nike. I wouldn’t be opposed to such things, but I would rather go with the innovative, new kid on the block… Under Armour. They revolutionized the sweat-wicking technology; they manufacture fresh, new products, and continue to push the envelope with insane jerseys. I want to be a part of that. It is all about infusing new, optimistic energy in Aggieland. And maybe some crazy jerseys will take attention away from the potential whippings on the field.

While we’re at it, let’s get Coke back on campus - When A&M originally handed the soda rights to Pepsi, you would have thought the world was going to end. Without their beloved Diet Coke and Coke Zero, sorority girls were thinking of transferring. I personally don’t care about Pepsi or Coke since I drink Dr. Pepper, but make the switch for our better halves, A&M. The Aggie Rundown’s female acquaintances dearly miss their calorie-free Coke products.

Merry Christmas to all of our readers! Thank you all for your support. BTHO Northwestern!

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